Have you ever been in a relationship where you found yourself to be at your productive best? Where your creative juices just seemed to flow even though you’ve been known to have that frequent bouts of “writer’s block”? And what about those moments when you found yourself waking up early in the morning, feeling all pumped up, because you felt that no challenge was ever big enough? Of course, you also suddenly discovered that you actually had a Life Plan all this while.
The feeling’s good huh?
But then, you realize over time, that the effects of the “happy pill” you’ve been popping into your inner drive, seemed to wearing off. You got a bit tired of always wanting to impress. You hated the routine. Your level of expectations for surprises meandered off its grids. You just kinda lost the mojo. And somehow, all this niggling factors ate into your wholesome life. and before you knew it, you are already deciding that the relationship was never a great one to begin with.
So What Actually Happened?
Most people are trapped in that idealistic frame of mind that motivation and drive are extrinsic in nature. They tend to believe that a good relationship, a good career, a good financial standing, a good education, a good home and even a good title on the name card, will ensure that the other aspects of their lives fall into place.
The desire to be validated by everything else but themselves, can be pretty addictive. Hence the big problem. What if all these external validations were taken away from them? Will it make their self worth any lesser?
What Can You Do To Validate Yourself Then?
Oscar Wilde said it best. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” You may find it hard to believe, but more often than not, people may be secretly desiring to lead the life that you are leading. Why? Cause if you are leading your own life, confidently, and without the constant need for external attachments, people will sense that confidence. If you are the type who depends on the mood of your relationships/friendships to feel good about yourself, you are most likely to be labelled as a “Clinger”. Trust me, no one likes a “Clinger”.
If you are able to realize that intrinsically, you have an ability or potential that others might not have, then there is no need for validations or compliments from others to make yourself feel great. Positive self talk is the best remedy to discard any unnecessary need for approval. The more you tell yourself, how much you love yourself, constantly, the higher the likelihood that you will be happier and more confident.
Make it mandatory that the next time you feel the need to be complimented or approved by someone else, but yourself, take a positive rain check and ask yourself this question, “Am I already happy inside?” If your answer is yes, then hey, congratulations to you! You have just eradicated the “Validating Monster”.