Your parents will never tell you this. Your teachers will never share this. Your friend will deny this. All of them will never ever say this. But I will.
Confidence is a contact sport.
You will never grow in confidence if you sit on your couch, scrolling through those Instagram and Tinder accounts. You will not build your charisma bank, just by listening to Anthony Robbin’s motivational audios. You are most likely not gonna make heads turn by keeping your mouth shut.
How do I know this? Cause I’ve been in that gutter of not being cool or confident before. And if you are pretty much in that gutter now, am sure you can relate and feel the anguish of missing out on fun, enthralling and seductive social exchanges. You probably have those moments of going,”Damn, I should have just smiled back…”
Okay, I feel you. So lemme give you a quick run on how you can get up to speed on that confidence. In 30 days? You bet. Cause I did it.
1.Get a library card and borrow all the books you can, on the topics of self confidence.
What? Read? Yes. It is essential that you understand that most of life’s lessons are best learned from the mistakes of others. I do not know about you, but I want to speed up my learning curve. Picking up nuggets of wisdom from people who have been there will help you. What I can suggest is for you to not read through the books thoroughly. Go through the main points, encrypt it in your head as guiding lights. I used to write those points in a small notebook, which I carried around for a quick read. A book I will recommend? Dale Carnegie’s “How To Win Friends & Influence People” as a good start.
2.Get a new haircut, wallet, clothes, laptop or anything.
There is always something positive associated with the word “new”. Kinda reflects a revitalized energy. When I wanted to embark on that journey of self development, I got myself a cool new haircut first. When your image is renewed or changed, your inner self perception changes too. Get something symbolic as an accompanying accessory towards your new confidence. Do not get a new car though. Too early for that.
3.Build your vision board.
Okay, this sounds too mumbo jumbo. Chill the tits. Relax. I am not gonna share a shamanic mantra with you yet. However , listen out to me on this. You need to compile a collection of all the things you might associate with the word confidence, and have it somewhere visible for you to see. It may be on your wall, your wallet, your PC wallpaper or even your toilet door. Have pictures that remind your of what it looks like to be confident, powerful and successful. I used to have mine posted on my office desk. A picture of my bachelor pad, RX8 and a man sitting in a bath tub looking at a curvaceous woman. Always remind yourself visually what confidence means to you. That visual internalization is crucial.
4.Join a Toastmasters program.
I do not know of anyone successful or confident, who are poor communicators. It just does not work that way. You may not want to be a public speaker or trainer, but you definitely need to be effective. Joining the Toastmasters program very early in my life, was a pivotal moment, cause I accelerated the process of speaking better. It helps that the Toastmasters program is a cost value program. You do not need to sign up for expensive one day communication programs. I am still in the Toastmasters program. (11 years and counting). Oh, and the Toastmasters program is filled with people on the same journey as you. Everyone on the program wants to be more confident. What better group to gain support from, right?
5.Make a 30 days 30 people challenge.
This was by far the best activity I coined up for myself. Till date, this has reaped me the best learning experience when it comes to confidence building. The idea was to get to know 30 new people within 30 days. I put in a nice reward for myself when I achieve the challenge. It became a fun and creative activity that I indulged myself in. I began writing small notes of introductions, and giving it to random girls on buses and trains. The experience was exhilarating as I had girls stepping out of trains to chat with me, exchanging numbers and hanging out for coffee. There were instances when I just walked to someone, introduced myself and told them that I wanted to know them. It was magical. People were not as unfriendly and guarded as I assumed. What it brought out for my confidence was just awesome. I actually made friends. A few are still with me as best buddies now. The idea is for you to go out there and play the social game. That means, you have to breath in, walk up and speak. Will you receive weird stares? Yes. Will people reject you? Yes. Will people be guarded? Yes.
But like I said. Confidence is a contact sport. You need to fall, get bruised and hurt. And play again. Until you get better.
Try this 5 simple hacks in the next 30 days and share with me your experiences.