“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
― Paulo Coelho,
When was the last time you felt a compelling need to judge someone? The innate desire to make a call on someone’s character just by the status he/she puts on their Facebook profile. Or perhaps, the intense want of connecting a picture on Instagram with the current state of someone’s life.
If you felt the need to do so recently or constantly, let me tell you one thing. Stop it.
The need to judge is seductive, isn’t it? It makes us feel credibly right, when we look at someone and be able to decipher immediately that there might be something wrong with that person. Morally, intellectually, financially,spiritually or just physically.
You see, I’ve always been intrigued by the notion that people can have absolute perspectives (aka judgments) about you . They are akin to those roadside gypsies with tarot cards and crystal balls. With a whiff of your smell or the look on your palms, they are able to tell you in definite terms, the opportunities and pitfalls that will meet you on your life’s paths. Same context but differing content happens when you upload pictures or statuses on your social media accounts.
Now you might be asking here, “So what’s the point?”
My point is this. Powerful people do not
- Judge people
- Make decisions based on judgement calls
- Like to be judged
“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer,
You know what happens when you judge people? The quality of your communication and relationship deteriorates. Because you have a biased perception entrenched in your small mind, you begin to second guess people’s intentions. You start to assume and interpret people’s actions willfully.
Can you ever be influential if you start judging people way before they are able to be influenced? I guess not.
Thus the quick fix to this is simple. Don’t judge.
Make decisions based on judgement calls
“When we are judging everything, we are learning nothing.”
― Steve Maraboli,
Best lesson in salesmanship. Never assume. Cause it makes an ass out of you and me.
How many times have you gone through that phase of regretting a lost opportunity just because you made a judgment call way too early? When you passed up a great relationship opportunity, just because you saw a picture on Instagram and decided that the person has a partner? Or how about that crazy moment of deciding that the client is not right for you, just because he came in for the appointment dressed sloppily, and not realizing that he is in fact a badly dressed millionaire?
We tend to make wrong decisions when we have a premature judgement on people and situations.
If you have a judgment call, let it sink in for a while before deciding and shooting your mouth off. That is why powerful people are not impulsive. They decide quickly. But they think it over quicker. Don’t decide on judgmental impulses.
Like to be judged
“When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.”
― David Brin
Powerful people don’t judge. So understandably, they don’t like to be at the end of someone else’s judgement. You will agree with me on this because, deep within, you are telling yourself things like, “Only God can judge me.”
It sounds cliched that everyone feels like these, yet everyone of us feel entitled to judge others. Irony of it all.
But truly it must be said that the only way we can rid ourselves off this eternal circle of judgment, is when we we consciously stop giving judgments. Period.
Society wants you to be yourself. So just be.