Who Are You To Judge?

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“If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

When was the last time you felt a compelling need to judge someone? The innate desire to make a call on someone’s character just by the status he/she puts on their Facebook profile. Or perhaps, the intense want of connecting a picture on Instagram with the current state of someone’s life.

If you felt the need to do so recently or constantly, let me tell you one thing. Stop it.

The need to judge is seductive, isn’t it? It makes us feel credibly right, when we look at someone and be able to decipher immediately that there might be something wrong with that person. Morally, intellectually, financially,spiritually or just physically.

You see, I’ve always been intrigued by the notion that people can have absolute perspectives (aka judgments) about you . They are akin to those roadside gypsies with tarot cards and crystal balls. With a whiff of your smell or the look on your palms, they are able to tell you in definite terms, the opportunities and pitfalls that will meet you on your life’s paths. Same context but differing content happens when you upload pictures or statuses on your social media accounts.

Now you might be asking here, “So what’s the point?”

My point is this. Powerful people do not

  • Judge people
  • Make decisions based on judgement calls
  • Like to be judged

Judge people

“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

You know what happens when you judge people? The quality of your communication and relationship deteriorates. Because you have a biased perception entrenched in your small mind, you begin to second guess people’s intentions. You start to assume and interpret people’s actions willfully.

Can you ever be influential if you start judging people way before they are able to be influenced? I guess not.

Thus the quick fix to this is simple. Don’t judge.

Make decisions based on judgement calls

“When we are judging everything, we are learning nothing.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Best lesson in salesmanship. Never assume. Cause it makes an ass out of you and me.

How many times have you gone through that phase of regretting a lost opportunity just because you made a judgment call way too early? When you passed up a great relationship opportunity, just because you saw a picture on Instagram and decided that the person has a partner? Or how about that crazy moment of deciding that the client is not right for you, just because he came in for the appointment dressed sloppily, and not realizing that he is in fact a badly dressed millionaire?

We tend to make wrong decisions when we have a premature judgement on people and situations.

If you have a judgment call, let it sink in for a while before deciding and shooting your mouth off. That is why powerful people are not impulsive. They decide quickly. But they think it over quicker. Don’t decide on judgmental impulses.

Like to be judged

“When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.”
― David Brin

Powerful people don’t judge. So understandably, they don’t like to be at the end of someone else’s judgement. You will agree with me on this because, deep within, you are telling yourself things like, “Only God can judge me.”

It sounds cliched that everyone feels like these, yet everyone of us feel entitled to judge others. Irony of it all.

But truly it must be said that the only way we can rid ourselves off this eternal circle of judgment, is when we we consciously stop giving judgments.  Period.

Society wants you to be yourself. So just be.

The Curious Case Of The Big Bad Wolf

Why Be Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf

Impressions.

Most people swear and live by them. In fact, that is the framework of our social media presence. You wear the nicest outfits, sport the widest smiles and jump  the highest in your Instagram posts. You say the wittiest, funniest and most inspirational things in your Facebook posts. In fact, you prime up the best things in your social media accounts, because it is meant to serve a purpose.

Make an impression. The more compelling the impression, the deeper the connection.

Which brings me to a thought. What if the Big Bad Wolf, in that fabled tale  of the Three Little Pigs, had a social media account? What do you think would he have posted? Him, playing with kittens? Or perhaps picking flowers?

We grew up with that simple story. About how three pigs, tried to thwart the hungry advances of a wolf. We noted in glee, as we celebrated the demise of the wolf, when he went down the chimney of the last pig’s house and got burned alive, after failing to blow his bricked house.

We were told that the big bad wolf, was always hungry, scheming and preying on weak, innocent and helpless victims like the pigs. That story got imprinted in our childhood memories. It was a subtle indication that the strong, powerful and hungry were always on the extreme side of evil.

Think about the evil witch in Snow White. Think about Ursula in the Little Mermaid. Heck, even Captain Cook is deemed evil.

So, do these stories truly define the characters? Why did we tag the traits, “bad” to a wolf? “Evil” to an old lady . Just because they decided to pursue an intent at whatever costs.

Being real and authentic is hard these days. Do you seriously expect to hear a story about a wolf munching down on  a plate of salads? Wolves are meat eaters. They eat sheep, pigs and maybe chicken. Why will we wanna even judge a primal need of a character as evil? Yet, we are so guilty of forming impressions on the superficial levels.

So think about it. Are we truly that keen on labeling people and forming impressions just by the look of things. There is always more to a person, that just the things he posts, says or does. If you have to form an impression , form one that is real. Regardless of criticisms or skepticism. If there is one piece of advise I can share, from the perspective of Mr Wolf, is this.

Just be you.

It’s okay if you are being judged for being yourself.

Cause the way I see it, people should not be afraid of people who are being themselves. People should be afraid of those who pretend to be someone else.