Why You Should Always Fight For What You Want

As a father of two, I had always paid particular attention as to how I will want my children to engage in social dynamics. I’ve observed their antics and communication styles when they are at the playground, at home or out hanging with their school mates.

I grew up being told by my caretakers (parents, grandparents, aunties &uncles), that the number one virtue to always uphold, is the willingness to give in. What it meant back then was to always play the role of a passive possum when it comes to toys or candies. If there was a toy in a home, and there are two or more kids vying for it, I should not be in the mix. What it meant was that, I am usually the one, sitting tightly to my caretakers, as I watched the other kids tore each other into pieces. On that odd occasions I would have sulked at not being able to play that particular toy, I would have been comforted with the empty promises of “I’ll buy you one when we get home.”

As the years went on, I realized that the constant conditioning of giving in, resulted in me avoiding conflicts whenever possible. It meant that I was always willing to just throw in the towel and silently exclaim to myself that, “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” Because of this subconscious willingness to surrender at the slightest sign of a potential fight, I lost relationship opportunities, job promotions, incentives and the likes. Only because I had been ingrained with the belief that, passing on what I wanted, was fine.

The truth is however, it is not fine.

I realize the severity of this wayward upbringing, when I unconsciously decided to inculcate the same beliefs onto my children. Unknowingly, I had always pulled them aside and chided them when they wanted to lay claim to a playing spot, a toy or a sweet. I pulled them aside and told them to give the toy they were holding to their cousins, because it was supposedly the “proper thing to do”.

Obviously it was not. These stupid acts of mine, had affected the fighting spirit in my children. I saw how their confidence diminished whenever I raised my voice, barking at them, to give in. I observed how they just slouched in resignation when they realized that they had to forego their desires and wants, only because it was “not nice” to fight over things.

So these days, this is what I tell my kids.

  1. If you want it, ask for it
  2. If it means much to you, hold on to it.
  3. If someone wants to snatch it away from you, fight for it.

I think the above 3 commandments are adequate to ensure that my kids grow up with an empowering sense of self belief.

We need to understand that it is not selfish to put ourselves as a priority most of the times. That we too deserve the finer things that Life has to offer. That wanting something is part of human nature and that fighting and working for it, is insanely normal. Avoiding potential conflicts by throwing in our towels is a cowardly way of living our lives. We can and should fight for what we feel is deserving. That is the proper way.

So the next time your kid runs to you, sobbing, saying how someone snatched his/her toy away, do not whisper saying,”It’s okay, we’ll get another one.”

Pat your kid on the back, turn him around and tell him/her firmly, “You go and get your toy back now, in whatever manner possible.”

Why We Should Aim High & Fall?

Flying To The Sun

I gave a short 7 minutes speech just 2 days ago. It was titled “Fly To The Sun”. The feedback I received after the speech was that it was inspirational.

What was my message?

I happened to chance on a You Tube video by my favorite online hero, Seth Godin. He spoke about his book titled, ‘The Icarus Deception”. He briefly explained that we had grew up with only half of the myth being imprinted on our minds. And that is that of Icarus falling to the seas, because he did not heed his father’s advise of not flying too high up and close to the sun, as this will melt the was on his crafted wings.

The fact of the matter is, there was another cautionary message, stipulated by his father. One that we somehow conveniently forget. And that is, not too fly too low to the seas, as the water can wet the wings and make it heavy. In other words, fly too low, and you might also fall into the seas.

I found this aspect of the story interesting. Yet, as Seth mentioned, it is usually omitted out.

Here’s my take.

How often have we had people tell us not too have too high an aspiration? Or not to have too lofty a goal? Or day dream too much? Were we not deemed and mocked as the ultimate idealists, when we aspire too fly a bit higher?

We were insinuated with the idea that it is far better to just be realistic. To just fly high enough stay in the game. The danger,as they highlighted, is that when you fly too high, you might just get your wings burned to ashes, and you will dive right into the seas.

Yet, the problem for most of us is that, we had set a barometer of realism  to be so low, we are actually navigating too near to the seas, to begin with. It is in my opinion, that more people are susceptible to fall into the seas, due to the fact that they are burdened with their heavy wings, due to the low altitude. When you fly too low, you are bound to wet your wings.

The challenge for most of us, is to understand that  these days, there is an imperative need to aspire to try and fly to the sun. Yes, you might burn your wings and fall to ground. But the glory of flying high, soaring and just cruising when you know the right altitude is far more rewarding than gliding comfortably a few inches above the waters.

You should understand that nothing magnificent was ever achieved by being realistic.

If Martin Luther King was being realistic, his “I Have A Dream” speech will not be echoed till now.

If JKK was being realistic, no man would have landed on the moon.

If Walt Disney was being realistic, Mickey Mouse would have just been a doodle on a piece of paper.

Idealism is not dead. And it should not be. Cause being idealistic is the first building block towards your monuments of achievements..

Flying to the sun?

Start crafting your wings tonight.

How To Get Rid Of The Inadequacy Syndrome?

How To Get Rid Of The Inadequacy Syndrome_

Have you ever been in a situation where the girl/boy of your dreams, the object of your affections or the purpose to your life, tells you that you are not the only one in his/her list of options. That you are perhaps in direct competition with a few other blokes/lasses in the quest for attention.

Didn’t you feel sucky about it?

Did it make you feel inadequate all of a sudden? And you wondered if what you ever did or plan to do will ever be enough.

You are not alone. I’ve been down that path. Many times.

But here’s the thing. You should never feel inadequate. And here is me telling you why, and how you can rid yourself of that nagging thought.

If People Place You As An Option, That Means You Are Not A Priority. Walk Away.

I know. This is not what you wanna hear. You will still wanna affirm the idea to me that there is still hope for you. That there is a silver lining in knowing that you are literally just another chat conversation in his/her Whatsapp screen. That somehow, one day, your persistence in just sticking around will pay dividends.

The truth is buddy, you are just wasting every limited time and resources you have on someone who probably does not deserve it. Get real.

Why will anybody wanna treat your unique and exclusive existence as just another number on the contact list? Aren’t you worth more than that?

Have the decency and guts  to walk away.  You will not regret it, I assure you.

Pursue A Wilder, Higher & Greater Purpose.

We are the sum of what we think about and do constantly. So the quickest way to get over the thought of inadequacy is to snap out of it and pursue something else. Or better still, someone else. Only because you know you can and you should.

Think about how wild and high you will feel, to know that you can be the sole receiver of attention. And you can only feel this way, if you allow yourself the privilege to give and receive attention.

Fill up your cranium with more purposeful activities and ideas. You will appreciate you.

Stroke The C Spot.

Repeat after me…

“I Am Contented!”

“I Am Complete!”

“I Am Comforted!”

Every single day. Every morning. Every night.

And before you know it, people will be flocking to you for attention.