Why You Must Flick Your Own Switch

cold, smooth & tasty.

As a communication coach, one of the issues I face with my clients, is the lack of self confidence. While it may sound cliched, the fact is, not everyone has confidence issues when it comes to communication. Some just need clarity or direction. Most need organization. A few need delivery guidance.

In any case, the root problem of self confidence is usually due to the fear of judgement. The assumption that we will be judged for wanting to express. The assumption that we will be chastised for wanting to share. The assumption that we will be frowned upon for wanting to deliver a message.

Heck. The truth is, we are our hardest and harshest critics when it comes to wanting to express and communicate. We overthink, over rationalize and over sensationalize our ideas. As a result, we become fearful which leads to irrational sense of non confidence.

So how can we manage this sense of irrational freeze in thoughts and expressions?

I suggest, to begin your day by talking to the man in the mirror. Yes, to yourself.

Now, I can already hear that dumb chuckle of yours, You are already judging yourself by saying, “I am not gonna by stupid and talk to myself.” Who said that talking to the mirror, was a barometer of intelligence? Nobody did. Yet, you affirmed yourself with that overbearing judgement that, people who do this simple exercise is dumb.

Bear with me.

There is a news factory operating in your head every single day. Every single minute in fact. A PR and marketing agency that works non stop to feed your mind with information and details. Most of the news that come through the factory and agency are unfiltered. Who is the editor, you ask. Well it is you of course. And like any hardworking editor, sometimes you get tired, take a break, yet news is still being generated. And like most news agency, sometimes you have news coming in from external sources. Or what I will term as, people’s comments and views about you. Some can be validated, most cannot.

What is some of the news that you decided to publish about yourself as a manifested personality was a result of an unverified news, brought about by someone else. Someone probably mocked the way you spoke, or how unclear you were at pronouncing some words or how slow you read. And because of that, you told yourself, that they were right. Which led to the manifestation of a non confident you. When in fact, there was nothing absolutely wrong with how you spoke.

Flick Your Own Switch

Confidence should be a built in switch. A switch embedded so deeply that the only person who can flick it, should be you. Or the man in the mirror (you). You should not allow anyone for that matter to be able to come willfully and flick that switch on and off for you.

I always share with my clients that it took me years to build the internal wiring of my confidence switch. Understand the intricacies of that wiring, to know what can trigger a trip or what can blow it over. So that only I will know how to maintain of fix it should something happen. Like a confidence short circuit.

Install Your Confidence Circuit Breaker

A circuit breaker is an automatically operated electrical switch designed to protect an electrical circuit from damage caused by excess current from an overload or short circuit. Its basic function is to interrupt current flow after a fault is detected. Wikipedia

Whenever my clients tell me that they are not confident, the first question I ask is, “Is that a feeling, a feedback or a thought?”

What is the difference, you ask.

If the non confidence is a feeling, then I will address the emotions that is tied to that state of mind. It might be fear, disappointment, sense of hopelessness or just unexplained emotions.

If the non confidence is a feedback, then I will address the intentions and purposes of that feedback. It might be a careless remark on someone’s part or just a criticism that has no basis.

If the non confidence is a thought, then I will address the rationale and processes that culminated into that thinking. It might be unfulfilled goals, poor coping and management systems.

These 3 questions should be your circuit breaking questions to halt your slide into total confidence breakdown. If you are able to isolate each question (wiring) in its proper place, you are well equipped to address you confidence issues all year round.

The 20 Most Important Questions You Must Ask Yourself This 2020

20 20
The Top 20 Questions You Might want To Ask Yourself

Resolutions. I hate making them since I turned 30 years old. I could not commit myself towards fulfilling or achieving them. And when I found myself failing at following through with those commitments I set out for myself, I became discouraged and disillusioned.

Since then, I found a far more superior and effective way of ensuring that my new years were more exciting and more expansive. I wanted my brand new year to be a sandbox concept. Where I explored each location with purpose and intent.

Here are 20 top questions you might wanna ask yourself this 2020, to keep you in the game of life.

  1. Why is my 2020 going to be different than my previous years?
  2. How will my 2020 shape out in the first quarter, second and so forth?
  3. Who are the people that I want to partner up more closely in 2020?
  4. Who are the people that I want to discard and absolve myself from this 2020?
  5. Which areas of my strengths will I work on in a more focused manner this 2020?
  6. Which areas of my weaknesses will I continue to be aware of but not to be distracted by this 2020?
  7. How much of my daily time will I allocate for myself?
  8. How much of my daily time will I allocate for my career/profession?
  9. How much of my daily time will I allocate for my family and loved ones?
  10. How much of my daily time will I allocate for God?
  11. What 3 big beneficiaries will I want to contribute to in my own ways this 2020?
  12. What are the 3 top life philosophies I will want to hold on to as my guiding light this 2020?
  13. Who are the 3 top mentors/coaches I will want to learn and learn from this 2020?
  14. What little sacrifices will I make this 2020 to make room for my successes?
  15. How will I reward myself after every success that I achieve this 2020?
  16. How much money will be significant enough for me to say that 2020 is a success?
  17. How many people will I help with my skills/services/products this 2020?
  18. What will make me feel fearless this 2020?
  19. How will I see myself on 31st December 2020?
  20. Do I believe in myself?

I hope that some of these questions will help you in formulating your dream board this 2020! Resolutions and goals can only be committed to, when you ask yourselves the right powerful questions.

Want to know why I believe questions are important?

7 Reasons Why Toastmasters Is Not For Everyone

why toastmasters is not for you

I am a Toastmasters member. In fact I have been one since 2005. And I’ve always encouraged anyone who had never attended a meeting before, to do so. At least once in their lifetime.

In the years that I had been involved actively, I had the pleasure of rising through the program in various capacities. As a speaker, evaluator, emcee, executive committee member, a club charter president, an area and division director and finally as a district public relations officer. So I am fortunate to have been immersive in my Toastmasters experience.

One of the major marketing points, the Toastmasters program tries to highlight subtly, is that it provides a safe environment for anyone to learn public speaking. It leverages on the key point of being a mutually supportive platform for members to be encouraged and develop their communication skills.

But is Toastmasters truly for everyone? 

Can any average Joes or sensible Sallys, really benefit from being in the Toastmasters program?

Perhaps not. And these are my 7 excusable reasons for believing so.

  • The program is not for those who are masters at procrastinating.

This is an actual fact. Being a Toastmasters member means that you will have to be prepared when it comes to delivering your speeches. Guests and members give their time to organize and attend a meeting to listen to you. However, if you are a serial procrastinator, believing that you can put off preparations for the speech at the eleventh hour…and even perhaps bailing out on the day itself, then you are doing a non favor for everyone. Procrastinators tend to be failures not just for the Toastmasters program. They generally fail in life too.

  •  The program is not for those who cannot receive feedback.

A major part of the program’s success lies in the component called evaluations. This is a key segment that differentiates it from a lot of other communication programs. An evaluation segment provides the speaker with a designated person to evaluate his speech and provide both written and oral feedback. Speaker will then be able to assess his strength and possible areas of improvement. If you are someone who is not naturally inclined to believe the opinions of others, or even consider their suggestions for improvements, then this program is definitely not for you.

  • The program is not for those who lack initiative.

Are you someone who needs to be hand held every time you need to go to the washroom? Do you crave to always be told on what to do, how to wake up or even perhaps, what food to eat? Then this program is definitely not for you. Toastmasters is a self paced development program. You learn at a pace which you are comfortable with. (not to be misled as procrastinating though). It is important therefore that since this experience has to be self directed, most of the benefits can only be reaped, if you take the initiative to be proactive. This is not a military styled program.

  • The program is not for self professed introverts’ lifetime members.

The Toastmasters program gathers people from all walks of life to attend a monthly meeting. You will be expected to walk into a room full of strangers, introduce yourself at least and perhaps speak 2 or 3 sentences. If luck has it that you are caught in a sea of people munching their food away,during a refreshment break, you will have to either be invisible or attempt at that thing called speak. Toastmasters members are not wall starers. If you secretly believe that you are an introvert for life, Toastmasters is not for you.

  • The program is not for pessimistic and gloomy folks.

Most Toastmasters clubs operate on the premise of being a happy place for people who want to learn. It functions on the creed of being mutually supportive. In most club settings, you will find club members always wanting to shake your hands, pat your backs, smile at you, offer words of encouragement, food whenever available and even prize ribbons if you do well in a speech. If you hate the thought of experiencing all that I’ve mentioned above, the Toastmasters program is not for you. You need a SOS hotline.

  • The program is not for people who want to network for capital business gains.

Try selling a Multi Level Marketing opportunity at a Toastmasters meet. Or try being over enthusiastic when asked about what you do for employment. Or try asking people to try the sachets of green based tea with 1001 health benefits that people can buy, only if they become your downline. Try doing all this and see if you have any sense of self worth to salvage at the end of the meeting. My guess is, they will perhaps share a BNI chapter meeting date with you, instead.

  • The program is not for accomplished speakers.

If you can speak competently, hold a crowd mesmerized for two hours, charming, eloquent, gets paid for emceeing and holds a Masters in Communication & Public Speaking, this program is not for you. In fact, you should actually be starting a similar program like this, and provide an alternative for the masses. If you feel that being a Toastmasters will provide you with a non paying audience every time you wanna speak, or just as an ego booster, please do yourself a favor. Don’t embarrass yourself.

So that’s it folks.

7 possible reasons as to why the Toastmasters may not suit you. Do not be taken in by the seductive nature of the program being conducive for everyone. It’s not. So before you are suckered into paying over $200 for an annual membership with any club, consider the points above.

I might have just saved you tonnes of money, years of your life…and more importantly, the struggles of being a better speaker in the future.

You are welcome.